In A World where "Every Hope is Worth Saving"

So comes the Christian Holiday of Christmas, the Jewish Holiday of Channukah, the African Holiday of Kwanza, and the Muslim Holiday Eid-ul-Fitr. Amazing that throughout the centuries of civilization these traditions have been held fast and passed on from one generation to the other, even more amazing are the similarities between these traditional festivals which come from the four corners of our earth.It makes me pause in wonder that we are a world at war, it causes something to stir inside my soul...begging an answer to the age old question of why there is war, starvation, pestilence, hatred, bigotry and slavary, ethinic cleansing, and the destruction of ecology!

Recently I was introduced to a CD titled,"The Lost Christmas Eve', by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. An brilliant work which mixes the lilt of tranditional Christmas music with

Jazz, bold metalic rock,excellent orchestration and lyrics that speak to the soul of anyone willing to listen. There is indeed such a mix of feeling on this CD that it caused me to think about all the holidays in this month rolled up into one big celebration! What if...you who read my blog know what happens when I get into the what if way of thinking...

So it's the holiday season, the world is cold, much colder than usual and wetter too, here in the northern hemisphere, while in the southern hemisphere all that ozone we were told not to worry about is melting the Antarctic ice cap at an extraordinary rate. There is another type of coldness that has a mean grip on the world too, an emotional coldness, that tends to seperate those who would otherwise be good companions, friends even on this path we call life. There is a wintery wind of evil blowing across the surface of this earth of ours which has brought with it war, intolerance, indifference, hatred, injustice and has caused us to be wary even of those we once thought of as fellow warriors in the fight against all that is malicious.

In my musing about all the holiday spirit of this month of December, all the celebrations of what is good, just and healing in our civilization I began to wonder about how those who are not Christian or Jewish celebrate and so I went on a search, one that led to a comparison of liknesses instead of differences, one that I hope you will enjoy reading about. Those of us who grew up as US citizens hardly give a thought to what this whole holiday season is about, most of us know something about what the Christians are celebrating and of course we also know about the Jewish celebration because it is often incorporated into the things we teach our children in school, and is evident in the various types of decorations we see around town.

How many of us though, ever thought about what Kwanza really is, did you know that it lasts seven days, that it is based on the values known as Nguzo Saba of an ancient African people? Kwanza celebrates Unity,Self Determination, Collective work and Resposibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity and Faith... pretty important things to teach the next generation! I was impressed with the spirit of the holiday which is filled with love and light, a knowledge of something that so many of us in our busy lives tend to forget! Such a holiday would be easy to embrace, it is a spiritual lifting of the soul to it's highest good, it calls on people to reach out, and to

reach within and become all they can be! There are candles and wonderful traditional foods, everyone is on their best behaivor and not only that it is a holiday that teaches tolerance of differences! Encouraging even strangers to take part in the feastivities...hum, doesn't that sound like a good thing to you? It certainly does to me!

Then my musings took me onto another search, one for a Muslim holiday in the month of December, I knew that had to be one and when here is what I found! Eid-ul-Fitr, a festival of fast breaking that comes at the end of Ramadan, it is a joyous celebration, filled with community prayers, community fast-breaking meals, it is forbidden to speak of anything but faith, joy, hope and love during this time, imagine going three entire days without once saying a bitter, angry, spitefull,mean thing...sounds pretty good to me, in fact I decided this morning that I would attempt to spend three days without saying one bad word, without complaining, gripping or being angry...I pray that I can as I would like to know what it feels like to briddle my tongue and be only kind, loving and caring for three entire days. A muslim friend of mine gave me a gift of prayer beads, and another gave me a book of the Seven Times Prayers to help me understand Muslim thought. Eid-ul-Fitr is a time with strong spiiritual significance, one must even say prayers for ones enemies during these three days. Imagine what might happen if for three entire days the world stood still and all evil, all hatred, all war ceased! Would we ever want to go back to the days before? During Eid-ul-Fitr children recieve gifts, and sometimes money, there are wonderful foods made just for this particular occaission...hum, that sounds familiar too!

If you haven't put this blog aside yet and are still reading it is a sign of an open soul, a soul which can wrap itself around the holiness of other people, other cultures, other celebrations. What IF... we are all the same after all...what IF all those things that tend to make us think we are different just disappeared from our lives...what IF...ALL HOPES ARE WORTH KEEPING? What if we all celebrated together all the wealth of our civilizations, our faith, our countries? Wouldn't it be a Miracle if we could all take three days starting on December 16 ( which by the way is when three of these holidays are celebrated) and spend three entire days without uttering one word that was unkind, without using our ego's to make us better than, without letting our intellect rule our mouths... what IF for three entire days, all wars ceased, all men and women considered each other as precious souls, all children went to bed warm, well fed, healthy and loved? What IF we tried to be the best of ourselves, drawing on the values of Kwanza,and Eid-ul-Fitr? What if we practiced what Jesus taught for three days, what if we had the faith and valour of the Warriors who celebrated the first Channukah? What if all creation is just waiting for we humans to wake up and realize that we only have one planet and we must all learn to live on it in PEACE, with Love and Faith in the goodness of mankind as our guide? WHAT IF?!

This holiday season my personal prayer is that we might all be open to others in the same way that we are open to our families and friends, that we might spend the season counting our blessings instead of the worth of the gifts we receive and give, that we might truly make an attempt to reach out to others, that we might reach into our own souls and pour out the best of ourselves to everyone no matter what tradition they celebrate, no matter what their race or creed. It is my most solemn prayer that we might find a way to achieve a World where "Every Hope is worth Keeping!" Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, have a Blessed Eid-ul-Fitr, and a Joyous Kwanza.

For anyone whose holiday I didn't mention forgive me, and I wish you Peace.

Special thanks to Paul O'Neal and Robert Kinkel for "The Lost Christmas Eve," by the Trans Siberian Orchestra

Oh, Autumn

Now we begin the rush of the holiday season, the air has turned, crisp mornings, cold evenings, the blanket goes back on the bed, the dog and cat begin to bulk up their hair for the winter...perhaps it is this season of the year that I love most! This morning after dropping Theo off at his job, I took Myraah to the park! The leaves are just begining to turn, the air smelled fresh and under foot the ground was wet with dew. It is a small park just at the top of a hill, but it is beautiful, there is running water, long paths to walk and the stream goes up and down hils, winding through the park the path crosses the stream on little wooden bridges, ducks and geese and about a dozen wild cranes were there to taunt the dog. There were hardly any other people walking at 7:30 this morning and when the trail dipped down the hill one could almost forget that just above us was the city traffic and the hum of life getting up, going to work or school, or out to breakfast! It was a great time of silence and water rushing by, Myraah sniffing the ground, barking back at the gesee, and bounding after a squirell. It reminded me of long ago in a far away place where peace was the norm, and happiness was right where you were.

There is much to do this time of year, the plans are already in the making for Thanksgiving, the bird is already ordered, and the cupboard is overflowing with the ingredients that make up the traditions of our family. My daughter and I talk almost daily on the phone, and each time we remind each other that in just a few more weeks we will be together cooking, playing with the babies and sharing! My heart this morning is full to overflowing with gratitude. This past week was a really hectic one, our lift arrived at long last from Israel and amoung the broken dreams there now are some lost piece of our life, amid the work of integrating those possession into the home we have made for ourselves here there were some moments of sadnesses, and reflection. We are, all in all, stronger for the time we spent living in Israel, but we are also less sure of the survival of the state of Israel, and in fact of this earth of ours.

When will humanity come to see that war, hartred and injustice are not the way the PEACE! Will it ever happen, or are we doomed to go on practicing baseless hatred, denial of the rights of all humanity to a life free from the horrors of war?

Again it comes to my mind that we as individuals must do something, we must act on our consciousness, we must not allow the inherent eveil in man to prevail. Each individual who is awake, aware and conscious of the power of good should set out each and everyday to do all that we can to tip the scales in this great battle between good and evil. Some people would scoff at me and call me an idealist, but there is living proof in my life, and in my husbands life that if we do good, we receive an abundance from the realm of G-D that is a direct result of our intent to do what we can to make this world a better place.

Just this past week, there were several signs of the working of good in our lives. For months and months we have walked, ridden the bus or the train, or rented a car to go see our family or accomplish the simple everyday things of working, shopping, seeing doctors, going to the kids...it was hard, we never complained, we were tired, sometimes slepping the groceries home for Shabbat on Friday morning took almost every ounce of strength from me, but then a window opened for us to get a car, and now life is easier! Why? Not because we had the money to buy a vehicle, not because we took on a loan, no just because we have been helping others and someone saw our need and helped us in return.

There was a movie a couple of years ago, " Paying it Forward", what a great concept this young man had, pay it forward, do for others, be good, be courteous, be kind, care about the world, and guess what good flows into your life, like rain on new crops!

If I learned anything from the experience of Israel, it is this one simple fact..."Evil exists in the world, and unfortunately it is strongest in the places where you least expect to find it!"...if this world is to continue to exist, if our great grandchildren are to have a planet to live on, then all of us must rise up and begin right where we are to stamp out evil in this world, we must clean up our rivers, our air, replant our forests, begin to use the technologies that we have discovered to aid each other instead of making weapons of mass destruction. We must come to a place where we can look any human being, of any race, religion or country in the eye and see their humanity and it's fraility, and we must see them as our equal! We must stop seeing others as less than, and begin viewing them as our brother and sisters, we must speak with ONE VOICE! We must unite as people of the planet earth, and realize that unless we learn to live together, all of us will ultimately be wiped out!

As you come together with friends and family this holiday season, speak about the hard facts, talk about what is true, share your hopes and dreams. Try to be open to the possibility that we could begin to "PAY IT FORWARD!" Inquire as to the health of the soul of your children, your grandchildren. Don't neglect the sacred while worshipping the profane insanity of gift shopping and giving! Stop and really look around you, take a moment to notice those in need, sit a bit longer with your family than usual, turn off the TV, the Stereo, the game boy and have a real conversation about the state of the world! Be daring, be brave, say the hard thing, ask the unasked question, come round to the truth for a change.

Believe me when I tell you that what has happened to Theo and I this past year is nothing short of a miracle, we came home a year ago with four suitcases, our dog and our cat, we have whitnessed one miracle after another in our lives as others reached out to help us, to heal us, to listen and to share with us! When we think about it, our eyes fill with tears, and we are renewed again in our belief that each one of us can make a difference if only we try!

The Gates of Life

We arrive at the begining of the New Year, we have traveled far, experienced much and now we must begin fresh! As we came through the hours of Yom Kippur down toYizkor and Neilah, finally I begin to feel healed and renewed, some years that has come early on usually somewhere in the middle of the holiday, it wasn't that I was holding back this year, it was only that I needed to feel that tender, gentle nudge that only Hashem has the power to bestow!

Life lays itself out before us during this time of healing, all the injuries to soul, mind, body and psyche take time to play themselves out on the silent screens of our minds eye! Never before in my life have I put such attention into making sure each frame of the past year was dealt with in honesty enabling me to work on the soul in a more personal and attached way. The services of High Holidays can become mute, we can become used to the same old prayers and songs, that we slide through the gates of life without a single thing changed in us! This year several things helped to keep me on track, the Length of our Days that Reb Deborah talked about settled in with me in a totally new way, when asked if I had experienced a day that lengthened my days of life my mind went instantly to the first moments in which I held first Zachary three minutes after he was born until half an hour later when Jesse was laid in my open arms...grandsons, not one but two blessed me with a day in which I recognized that my life had suddenly been given a new length...and each time I visit with them or they visit with their Zaide and I, again I recognize that my days have been given new length, new meaning, new depth! Then there was the Brit Milah...Circumcision...watching as my son and his best friend held down first Zachary and then Jesse to help the Rabbi with the clip that marks them both forever with their Jewish heritasge, another day that spoke to me of long life, length of days, of the continued renewing of our faith! Seeing their father, my son in law turn his face away from the pain inflicted on his sons, seing the tears run down his face at the holiness of it all left an impression in my mind that will lengthen my days forever.

This was an especially sensitvie season for my husband and I, last year at Yom Kippur we were in Tzfat, Israel. We attended an entirely different type of service, one in which we were seperated, the other women and I were actually outside of the Synagogue, we neither saw the Torah nor participated in the service in any way outside of our presence on the street! From the first notes of song on Erev Rosh Hashanah this year my heart and soul rejoiced at once more being in a safe environment, a friendly and inclusive environment where I as a woman was not less than my husband, to see the Torah to participate in service as a couple was so meaning ful to us! To be able to sing out loud, to praise to pray and to listen brought a tingle of pure joy to my soul, I almost burst out laughing it was such a thrill!

Now we have passed through this season of renewal of hope, awakening of soul, cleansing of our minds, hearts, and spirits and for the first time since returning to the United States I can honestly say that I am at Peace with all that happened, I won't forget, but I have forgiven the pain inflicted by those who did not want to include us, those who were ignorant of the pain they were inflicting. Dear Rabbitzin Eve held me close and whispered that she was glad we were home and that we were safe, Reb Zalman hugged me tight and said,"I know you tried!" The music of the choir wove a tapestry of love around me as we listened, and healing came in great waves to wash away the old, making way for the new!

Today, this morning I was sitting on a bus stop bench waiting for the Broadway bus to take me to my friend and landlord to pay the rent for this month, but again I was to get a lesson on the length of days...just as the bus rolled up my phone rang and it was Robert, my friend..."I thought I saw you on the bus stop," he said. "I was coming to your house with the rent," I replied. "I am at Ace Hardware, so just wait right there and I will stop and pick you up," he offered. We have a unique and gentle friendship, Robert and I, when we needed to have a place to come to last year this time, I called him from Israel and he graciously, lovingly not only put us in a nice apartment, but picked up us from the airport, fed us our first meal back in the states, and rounded up all the stuff it takes to make a home before nightfall on our first night back in Long Beach. Robert and I talk easily about whatever is happening in our lives. We share deep things, the type that might pass between a sister and a brother. This morning I was again reminded what a blessing he is as a friend and how much I value time we spend with each other. We both had things on lists to do today, but we decided to put those aside and have breakfast, then go do some shopping for an apartment he is fixing up for a new tenant...it mihgt not seem like much but sometimes being spontaineous lengthens our days also! The gift of sharing with a good friend reminds me of the reflection that we do to get ready for the Repentance of the High Holidays, walking back home later I realized that I would like to have the same relationship with Hashem as I have with my friend.

Setting intentions for this new year was not like other years, to me it seems as though this time was 'different',

more intiment, more cleansing, more renewing than years past. It is as though the door closed on the past and a new future awaits me, that might sound trite or even a bit crazy but it is what it is. This was a Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur that will always mark a new begining for me, and I hope for my husband. He has had a much tougher time letting go of all that took place in our fourteen months in Israel than I have. I think because I am a woman and as such I understand that from great pain can come also great joy. I see life now in a different light than ever before. I see a world that needs so much transformation, so much healing,so much repair that I try to focus not backward but forward to be ready to do whatever I can where ever I may to aide anyone, to heal and repair and rebuild and renew whatever is within my power.

This year the world is still at war, not just the war that is comprised of bombs, guns,death, and destruction but at war with it's very nature! The earth is in travail, she twists and turns in pain, the air is fowled by man's inattention to the vital atmosphere,the waters are vile... muddied by the sewage of man's making, human kinds insensitivty to earth herself is causing trememdous damage. I watch as youngsters waste their time with video games, cartoons, loud music, imaginative computer games and self destructive behaivor, I cringe as a young child runs loose through a store of strangers and sometimes I stop right where I am and raise my voice to Hashem asking how to help, what to do to stop this path toward the end that is evident everywhere we turn. This is the only earth we have, and if we want to truly lengthen our days then I would humbly suggest that all of us begin right where we are to make a difference. We need to raise our voices together, "we need to learn some how to speak as 'One Voice' "a Muslim friend of mine said...and he is right! We need to come to understand that all human life is valuable, that we all inhabit this little blue planet together, and that no matter what name we call out in our prayers we are all calling to the same Creator Being. There is so much that each of us can do, we don't need to be famous to be heard, we don't need to be strong to helpful, we don't need to be rich to cause a change in our own corner of this world. No, all we truly need is to focus, to understand that G-D, Hashem, Buddah, the Christ...were all speaking with ONE VOICE, that they were all aware of what the earth needs to sustain life, and that we can become a spark of light in the darkness of evil if we just focus! Intent is everything...what we intend to do, what we have intent to change will come about if we all focus on the evidence around us. We are all HUMAN, we are all parts of the Divine Whole, we are all able to influence those around us through word, act and deed! We together can heal the earth, we together can stop the wars, the biggotry, the hatred, the famine, the pestilence, the drought, the flood...TOGETHER AS HUMANS WHO KNOW THE DIVINE CREATOR WE CAN SAVE THIS EARTH! G-D is depending on us!

This morning I did the clean up that comes every year at this time of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, this is the time that I go through everything that I have blogged, written, bylined or other wise set out upon the grand web of the internet. As I sat drinking my third cup of coffee and watching my computer Defragment and Compact my files I was thinking about services over this next ten day period and how much I look forward to this time when as a human being with sentients I can be alone with my G-D, the entity that watches over our deeds and keeps record of our goings on here on earth. I thought suddenly as one hard drive finished the process and I was asked to select the next drive for the needed clean up,' What if that is how it all works', what if our G-D in His/Her providence goes from one file in our lives to another, making them all into neat packages that will reflect in the end of these Days of Awe only the relevent and necessary things, compacting big events, and delting unnecessary items so that at the end of Kol Nidre we are really asked to take only the best of ourselves and forgive ourselves our short comings, our failures, our times of non compliance to the rules so that only those things which make up what we truly are, spiritual beings, remain?

The task on the computer was long, I sat and watched and continued to think about how this artificial brain that stores the outward image of who I am was being Defragmented and Compacted. In my musing I began to wonder if in doing this process I was in the same position as our G-D when He/She looks at each of our records for the past year. Is it just possible that when we choose to defragment our lives, He/She is sitting beside us and helping us to make the best possible decissions? What an awesome thought! I was totally overcome by emotion just entertaining the possibility that the rules of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are similar to the rules of cleaning up ones computer.

For a long while in life everything about me was fragmented, there were pieces of my youth and my loss of my second husband that stood out like the red lines that represent the files that cannot be moved in the process of defraging unless a human actually clicks the right button and allows the computer to remove them, we are truly like that! I remember being so scarred by the disappearence of my second husband that I became unable to function, couldn't even take care of my children until my father came and talked with me about the importance of moving forward with life and putting aside the grief that was so unbearable, the unkown that couldn't be answered unless I let go of it! Just like the command that we give the computer allowing it to repair and restore itself during the process of defrag and compacting. I thought about the middle of my life when I made horrible and life changing mistakes, and how with the leadership and assistance of a great Rabbi I was able to defrag, compact and clean up all those things and start fresh again! How it was that I came to again pick up the faith of my birthright and to follow the stream of life that is regulated by Holy Days and Sabbaths, and how the road from there to here was pebbled with new beginings every year, a chance to beging anew with new strength and to go forward even when we slipped without fear knowing that G-D is a loving and forgiving G-D, a G-d given to kindness and long suffering in patience with His/Her creation.

It was when I truly began to live as a Jew, letting the rules of the Torah give a rythm and a reason to my days,that I became aware of how intricate and precious our souls are. We are such intricate and precious beings that G-D planned for us a time in each year when we can repair and restore our souls and our human entity to the place where we were intended to be. Without a doubt this is the time when we must defrag and compact our lives into the shape and form that G-D intended, a time when we let go of past hurts, anger, pain, wrongs done to others and wrongs perpurtrated on ourselves so that we can again free up the space in our hard drive, the brain,heart and soul, to begin again to be the best of all that we can be!

This year I have much work to do during the next ten days, there are so many regrets, so many memories of being hurt, and hurting others, so many loose ends to my life that I am not certain I can compact it all with only ten days to do it. I will however tonight click the button to begin the defrag of my year and when that happens I have the strong assurance that my G-D will be at the helm watching so that nothing is left undone and by the time Yizkor and Neilah have slipped away into silence the hard drive of my soul will once again be in good working order, ready to try once more to be the best of all I was meant to be.So as I begin this process I will say with Job, "Though Hashem Slay Me Yet Will I Trust Him."

I wish that all of you who read this blog at this time of new beginnings may be inscribed for a New Year of health and happiness.