The Gates of Life

We arrive at the begining of the New Year, we have traveled far, experienced much and now we must begin fresh! As we came through the hours of Yom Kippur down toYizkor and Neilah, finally I begin to feel healed and renewed, some years that has come early on usually somewhere in the middle of the holiday, it wasn't that I was holding back this year, it was only that I needed to feel that tender, gentle nudge that only Hashem has the power to bestow!

Life lays itself out before us during this time of healing, all the injuries to soul, mind, body and psyche take time to play themselves out on the silent screens of our minds eye! Never before in my life have I put such attention into making sure each frame of the past year was dealt with in honesty enabling me to work on the soul in a more personal and attached way. The services of High Holidays can become mute, we can become used to the same old prayers and songs, that we slide through the gates of life without a single thing changed in us! This year several things helped to keep me on track, the Length of our Days that Reb Deborah talked about settled in with me in a totally new way, when asked if I had experienced a day that lengthened my days of life my mind went instantly to the first moments in which I held first Zachary three minutes after he was born until half an hour later when Jesse was laid in my open arms...grandsons, not one but two blessed me with a day in which I recognized that my life had suddenly been given a new length...and each time I visit with them or they visit with their Zaide and I, again I recognize that my days have been given new length, new meaning, new depth! Then there was the Brit Milah...Circumcision...watching as my son and his best friend held down first Zachary and then Jesse to help the Rabbi with the clip that marks them both forever with their Jewish heritasge, another day that spoke to me of long life, length of days, of the continued renewing of our faith! Seeing their father, my son in law turn his face away from the pain inflicted on his sons, seing the tears run down his face at the holiness of it all left an impression in my mind that will lengthen my days forever.

This was an especially sensitvie season for my husband and I, last year at Yom Kippur we were in Tzfat, Israel. We attended an entirely different type of service, one in which we were seperated, the other women and I were actually outside of the Synagogue, we neither saw the Torah nor participated in the service in any way outside of our presence on the street! From the first notes of song on Erev Rosh Hashanah this year my heart and soul rejoiced at once more being in a safe environment, a friendly and inclusive environment where I as a woman was not less than my husband, to see the Torah to participate in service as a couple was so meaning ful to us! To be able to sing out loud, to praise to pray and to listen brought a tingle of pure joy to my soul, I almost burst out laughing it was such a thrill!

Now we have passed through this season of renewal of hope, awakening of soul, cleansing of our minds, hearts, and spirits and for the first time since returning to the United States I can honestly say that I am at Peace with all that happened, I won't forget, but I have forgiven the pain inflicted by those who did not want to include us, those who were ignorant of the pain they were inflicting. Dear Rabbitzin Eve held me close and whispered that she was glad we were home and that we were safe, Reb Zalman hugged me tight and said,"I know you tried!" The music of the choir wove a tapestry of love around me as we listened, and healing came in great waves to wash away the old, making way for the new!

Today, this morning I was sitting on a bus stop bench waiting for the Broadway bus to take me to my friend and landlord to pay the rent for this month, but again I was to get a lesson on the length of days...just as the bus rolled up my phone rang and it was Robert, my friend..."I thought I saw you on the bus stop," he said. "I was coming to your house with the rent," I replied. "I am at Ace Hardware, so just wait right there and I will stop and pick you up," he offered. We have a unique and gentle friendship, Robert and I, when we needed to have a place to come to last year this time, I called him from Israel and he graciously, lovingly not only put us in a nice apartment, but picked up us from the airport, fed us our first meal back in the states, and rounded up all the stuff it takes to make a home before nightfall on our first night back in Long Beach. Robert and I talk easily about whatever is happening in our lives. We share deep things, the type that might pass between a sister and a brother. This morning I was again reminded what a blessing he is as a friend and how much I value time we spend with each other. We both had things on lists to do today, but we decided to put those aside and have breakfast, then go do some shopping for an apartment he is fixing up for a new tenant...it mihgt not seem like much but sometimes being spontaineous lengthens our days also! The gift of sharing with a good friend reminds me of the reflection that we do to get ready for the Repentance of the High Holidays, walking back home later I realized that I would like to have the same relationship with Hashem as I have with my friend.

Setting intentions for this new year was not like other years, to me it seems as though this time was 'different',

more intiment, more cleansing, more renewing than years past. It is as though the door closed on the past and a new future awaits me, that might sound trite or even a bit crazy but it is what it is. This was a Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur that will always mark a new begining for me, and I hope for my husband. He has had a much tougher time letting go of all that took place in our fourteen months in Israel than I have. I think because I am a woman and as such I understand that from great pain can come also great joy. I see life now in a different light than ever before. I see a world that needs so much transformation, so much healing,so much repair that I try to focus not backward but forward to be ready to do whatever I can where ever I may to aide anyone, to heal and repair and rebuild and renew whatever is within my power.

This year the world is still at war, not just the war that is comprised of bombs, guns,death, and destruction but at war with it's very nature! The earth is in travail, she twists and turns in pain, the air is fowled by man's inattention to the vital atmosphere,the waters are vile... muddied by the sewage of man's making, human kinds insensitivty to earth herself is causing trememdous damage. I watch as youngsters waste their time with video games, cartoons, loud music, imaginative computer games and self destructive behaivor, I cringe as a young child runs loose through a store of strangers and sometimes I stop right where I am and raise my voice to Hashem asking how to help, what to do to stop this path toward the end that is evident everywhere we turn. This is the only earth we have, and if we want to truly lengthen our days then I would humbly suggest that all of us begin right where we are to make a difference. We need to raise our voices together, "we need to learn some how to speak as 'One Voice' "a Muslim friend of mine said...and he is right! We need to come to understand that all human life is valuable, that we all inhabit this little blue planet together, and that no matter what name we call out in our prayers we are all calling to the same Creator Being. There is so much that each of us can do, we don't need to be famous to be heard, we don't need to be strong to helpful, we don't need to be rich to cause a change in our own corner of this world. No, all we truly need is to focus, to understand that G-D, Hashem, Buddah, the Christ...were all speaking with ONE VOICE, that they were all aware of what the earth needs to sustain life, and that we can become a spark of light in the darkness of evil if we just focus! Intent is everything...what we intend to do, what we have intent to change will come about if we all focus on the evidence around us. We are all HUMAN, we are all parts of the Divine Whole, we are all able to influence those around us through word, act and deed! We together can heal the earth, we together can stop the wars, the biggotry, the hatred, the famine, the pestilence, the drought, the flood...TOGETHER AS HUMANS WHO KNOW THE DIVINE CREATOR WE CAN SAVE THIS EARTH! G-D is depending on us!